Rant Day! Things Never Stopped Pissing Me Off, But I Forgot to Write Them Down!

Item 1: Welcome to grad school, where the rules are made up and deadlines don’t count. This whole MA thing might just take an entire year longer because they maybe won’t let me in the write-your-thesis seminar because I didn’t get a grade on one stupid other seminar in time. So fucking inflexible. But then I keep hearing stories that many girls just got in anyway, never mind that they were only halfway done with all their prerequisites. Look, I got everything done, I registered my topic, and I have a supervisor. Why can you never make an exception for me, huh?

Item 2: Had a very bad bout of depression about the state of women and the state of the world in general, and Boyfriend thinks I can’t read his thoughts. I know that he thinks its ridiculous, that’s why I don’t talk to him about it, even if he insists I talk to him about it. It’s not like he could solve the world for me. It’s not like he can even listen without an uncomfortable sigh or an interjection of “Well, men have it bad too, you know”. Yeah, well, that’s your own problem, isn’t it? Who’s creating problems for everyone?

Item 3: Boyfriend and my clothes. First it’s, “Are you wearing sweatpants?!” Yes. Yes, I am. We’re going to the grocery store, I’m not dressing up for that. It’s aisle 4 at the corner store, not the New York fashion week or some shit. Then later he said to me, “You could wear something like this sometimes” after seeing a woman presenter on TV in a dress. Okay, one: A guy who spent every day of the last thirty-odd years in jeans and t-shirts does not get to tell me how to dress. Two: Right, where? Am I going on TV? Am I getting paid? Do I get my own stylist? Are we going out? No, we never go out. So now I’m sitting here in my best red dress with all my jewellery on, and I’m playing Diablo III, and I’mma get my season char to level 70 before him. In style. Suck it, motherfucker.

Item 4: Overwatch is taking forever to get here, the alpha’s been out forever, come on, Blizz, I need something new to waste my life with!

Item 5: I’m so done with losing weight, I’m just going to pretend this is the fault of the Neanderthal DNA I no doubt carry in large quantities, they got a new study coming out in Bonn that Neanderthal DNA can influence your weight, maybe I should just send them a blood sample?

Item 6: I think I’m going to write a lengthy exposé about why school dress codes are fucking disgusting, because literally the only thing you’re teaching kids is that girls’ bodies are free to be policed by so-called ‘authorities’ at any and all points in their lives. So glad we don’t have this shit here, but who knows, stupidity is known to spread across the globe real fast.

Item 7: I’m not half as creative as I think I am, as evidenced by the fact that all porn parody titles I come up with already exist. Bet you didn’t know that “Whorrey Potter and the Sorcerer’s Balls” was a thing, eh? Apparently that one won an award.

Item 8: There’s an influx of graffiti in the ‘hood, so now I have to go out in the cold with my red pen and correct their spelling and grammar mistakes. Assholes. Everyone has a smart phone, but gods forbid they download a dictionary.

Item 9: So I looked at some what the facebook friends-of-friends promised me to be amusing pictures titled “Why my kid is crying”. Like the Queen, I was not amused. Most of the time I was thinking, Why are you snapping a picture when you should be slapping some sense into your dumb fucking kid? And that’s how I realised I’m still not ready for parenthood.

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Rant Day! Things That Pissed Me Off A Bit, Nov 2-8

Item 1: Where’s this shit when I go shopping?! Seriously, why do clothing stores have their best stuff on their websites and when I go to an actual physical store they somehow don’t have anything I need? Is this a scheme to get rich off shipping costs? Is leaving the house and the internet the wrong decision after all?

Item 2: Blizzcon! Fuck yeah, Blizzcon! Jesus Effin’ Thrall, Blizzard, pay someone to fix the livestreams! Not that Blizzcon wasn’t awesome… but come on, don’t say you didn’t expect a few million viewers. You’re all technicians, get this working!

Item 3: I’m so pumped for Legion, but I’m so nervous it’ll end up like WoD. Stop toying with my heart, Blizzard!

Item 4: I need a new bag. I guess I should know better at my age than to by a cheap bag. I don’t. My everyday go to bag is falling apart and I have better things to do in my life than fixing zips and winding wire around places where a shoulder strap should just hold on its own. Damn you, inner cheapskate! Damn you twice, broke self!

Item 5: The universe does not want me to lose weight. That’s as good an explanation as any as to why a) the wifi malfunctions, b) Youtube malfunctions, c) the laptop malfunctions, d) there’s a sudden inexplicable power failure in the building, or e) all of the above always at the exact minute I’m in my workout gear and ready to get my sweat on. It’s like I’m being punished for trying to be fit. Look, universe, just because I play the odd computer game doesn’t mean I have to look like it, cut it out!

Item 6: I have to write 3000 assorted words, prepare two 30 minute presentations, write two papers 1000 words each, all well researched and accurate and all before December. The graduate program is kicking in and kicking my ass.

Item 7: In less than two weeks I’m attending a workshop for editing and publishing and stuff and I’m so nervous. Like, anxiety level nervous. There’s going to be people there. But how many? What if it’s not enough for me to blend in without being noticed? What if I’m being asked questions? How do I act? What should I wear? Maybe I should just stay home! But I already paid! I think I’m dying! This world wasn’t made for awkward weirdos, dammit!

Item 8: Boyfriend has an important exam coming up Tuesday and we’re both nervous wrecks about it.

Item 9: Apparently I spent all week being nervous and anxious about things. This must change posthaste.

In other news: Forgot to tell you last week, Boyfriend has finally discovered the kittens. Somehow he was not pleased.

WoW Wednesday: Skeletons Doing Stuff

If you run around Azeroth, or Outlands, or anywhere at all you’ll notice one thing: no matter where you go, there’s lotsa dead mofos. And sometimes, they make you wonder just how the hell they died, because… huh? So just in time for Halloween, let’s look how skeletons in WoW spend their free time.

1.

Skeleton number one, this guy who met with an accident in the middle of a drum solo:

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“Draenor must hear my sick beats!” *shooty shoot* “Everyone’s a critic!”

2.

And I’m sure we all have that one friend that you hate to play board games with because they take for-fucking-ever to make a move because they’re ‘thinking’:

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“Don’t rush me, Timothy.”

3.

The most fun for some people is going for a swim. Unless you’re in Draenor. Then you should probably stay as far away from any body of water as possible:

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4.

What’s more fun than being a corpse under water? Playing Romeo and Juliet in the fortress of Stromgarde:

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Two tinkers, both alike in dignity, In fair Gnomeregan, where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where gnomish blood makes gnomish hands unclean

Okay, so maybe I’m reading too much into that bottle. And maybe I’m slightly ignoring the overall gore of that table.

5.

If you’re in Stormwind, avoid the barber. Why? ‘Cause:

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I wouldn’t trust any barber who can’t even properly hide the corpses of his victims.

6.

It was a normal day until Sudden Inexplicable Death. These guys are chillin’ atop a mountain in Blasted Lands. The crystal in the middle looks suspiciously like some Twilight’s Hammer accessory. Maybe this is what happens to Twilight’s Hammer’s interns?

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“Join Twilight’s Hammer clan, they said. You’ll have fun, they said.”

7.

Such a nice day for fishing, you think. No one’s gonna gank you right out in the sticks in Tirisfal, you think.

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Until someone stabs you right in the… left butt cheek, apparently?

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Probably while trying to fish out this gnome who had a terrible plane accident:

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8.

And then there are these skeletons in Vale of Eternal Blossoms who can’t even.

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…decide what the hell they are, that is. They look like some sort of weird Saurok at a first look. Rest assured, they are not:

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If this is a reference to something I have absolutely no idea to what and I’m not sure I want to know.

9.

So your grandma was making her famous Nagrand apple pie and sends you to pick some apples, but then you took an axe to the face:

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On top of a flying piece of rock, in old Nagrand. That’s as good an explanation as any.

10.

This is one of those things that are not just weird, but take an express train to Uncanny Valley. First you think, oh how cute, a little raft.

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Then you get closer and it’s like, whuh?

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But the thing that throws me is not the pink doll, or the judgy looking birds, or the three empty bottles. It’s the fact that this fella has been dead long enough to completely decompose, yet somehow the fruit still looks fresh.

And that concludes this week’s skeletons. Next week we’ll look at… I dunno. I’m pretty busy this week. Let’s keep it a surprise!

 

WoW Wednesday: Twelve Things I Found Flying Around the Coasts of Pandaria

Pandaria might just be my favourite expansion when it comes to visuals. I mean, look at this:

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This is serene as fuck! I had something similar to this as my desktop background for a while. You really get the feeling that Blizzard went all out trying to create something beautiful, and if you compare it to earlier expansions your jaw should drop by how far graphics technology has come in only, what, no even ten years.

And because the guys at Blizzard have a sense of humour, they also keep adding funny little bits into the game. Because I already did one of these lists for Draenor, today you’re getting the previous expansion, Pandaria. Look, I even prettied myself up for you with my fall gear:

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#transmogswag

So I did the math and going through my old screenshots trying to find the right ones was actually taking up more time than just doing the tour again, so that’s what I did. See how nice I am? Here’s some things and places where quests don’t necessarily lead you. All along the coastline. Enjoy!

1. This reference to Up north of Jade Forest

 I mean…

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There’s also this Pandaren called Kar:

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And this grummle with a huge backpack:

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2. Sri-La

Maybe this shouldn’t be part of this list because I think there was actually a quest leading there,  but on the off chance that someone missed a quest or two, here it is anyway. This is a small Pandaran village off the coast of Jade Forest and you’ll know by the wreckage of Horde and Alliance ships all around that their peaceful life has just taken an unexpected turn.

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The good people here enjoy fishing:

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Lots of fishing:

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And now there’s interesting Goblin wreckage to look at while fishing (you can tell it’s a Goblin zeppelin because it’s crashed):

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3. This pandaren fisher who doesn’t like Alliance

This looks cosy, doesn’t it? Not if you’re Alliance, because this fella right here will start whacking you with his fishing rod:

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4. This little Pandaren fisher village in Krasarang Wilds:

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There’s this little guy with his giant goldfish:

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And this kid who looks exactly like the other kid who wants to be a shaman when he grows up:

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Maybe they’re twins?

And this kid flying a kite:

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5. Where Serpent’s Spine meets the sea:

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And from the other side…

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Eeegh!

6. This song reference:

This is a little pandaren called Adele:

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She’s rolling around a place called Widening Deep. Get it yet?

7. A big unfriendly kraken:

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There is actually a quest where you have to beat this thing. Apparently though, it doesn’t die, because it’s still floating around near the northern coast of Townlong Steppes, so if you’re planning on going for a swim there… don’t.

Generally swimming is a bad idea, there are big evil things in the water everywhere:

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8. This little cave north-west of Kun Lai Summit:

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Oh, what could be in there?

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Huh? A hozen giving a drum solo? On four bongos? I mean, there’s also bones…

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But mostly just this guy.

9. This hut containing a tuskarr and a hozen:

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 The tuskarr is named Wally. So… does that mean I found Wally?

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10. This flying tortoise:

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If you /wave at it, it will follow you for a bit, but it’s pretty slow.

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11. This woman swimming laps north of Kun Lai:

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And her enthusiastic pandaren trainer:

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12. The Secret Aerie:

Tucked between Kun Lai and Jade Forest you’ll find a little pandaren mountain village:

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Hard working pandaren building boats, because everyone on Pandaria is always somehow hammering on a boat:

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Arguing about pugs:

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Training falcons:

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This woman hacking on fish bones (what even?):

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This seems to be the boss:

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…okay then.

 And that’s all from this expansion. Next week, we’ll look at skeletons. Jup. Lotsa skeletons.

WoW Wednesday! Yes, This Is A Thing Now.

Because I had so much fun with my last World of Warcraft based entry I’m going to make this a semi-regular thing. At least until I get bored. Hope you’re ready to get down and nerdy! All you players, enjoy! All you not-players, prepare to be converted!

Today’s topic is…

Nine Things I Found While Flying Around Draenor

(May or may not contain spoilers for I don’t know, just play the damn game and stop bothering me.)

So I finally got off my ass and finished the damn achievement that allows me to use my flying mounts again. It was a long and gruelling task, but the pay-off was great. Free at last! And of course the first thing I did, because that’s what I always do, is hopping on my carpet and flying around Draenor. Literally around the entire continent. I love doing that! Do you even know the kind of things you discover that way?! It’s awesome!

The good thing since Cataclysm is that new continents are no longer closed off at the coastline as they still mostly are in old Azeroth, like Eastern Kingdoms and Kalimdor. If you fly or ride around those places you generally see a lot of disenchanting rock and some grass. But since we got our old world flying permits in Cata, landscapes on the outer rims of continents became a little more whimsical.

Now, I love flying around places. I love it so much, back in the old days I’d stock up on Elixirs of Water Walking, climbed on my mount and went around the world like that. Obviously, this is easier with a flying mount. Even more obviously, this tradition had to be upheld with Draenor. And I found some stuff.

1.These random chairs in Gorgrond

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 Who the hell puts chairs in the middle of fucking nowhere? Blizzard, that’s ‘oo. I had a good laugh.

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2. Murdered Draenei

And just like that, I stopped laughing, because less than a hundred feet away:

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3. This weird little cage with a skeleton in it

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How? Why? Who? No idea.

4. This weird orc drinking with a skeleton in a cave in Talador

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A cave full of booze. A lone orc. A skeleton. This is either the beginning of a love story or a really elaborate joke.

5. This pretty cave

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Btw, if you click on the glittery flower in the middle it will attack you. Draenor, ladies and gentlemen: Where the mountains are huge, the plains are endless, and the flora is hungry.

6. Chillin’ with my new best friend Barney Farley, ogre dancer extraordinaire

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You can find this guy in Nagrand near the Ring of Blood, putting on the ritz and a show.

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7. This random island north of Highmaul

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Okay, I don’t remember if this place is in any way relevant to the Highmaul raid (probably isn’t), but there’s an island. With skeletons on it. And a disappointingly empty cave.

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8. This sweet old hermit and his dog

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Just a sweet old man in the south of Talador, and while you’re here why don’t you help him with his little Iron Horde problem?

9. John and Yoko of Draenor

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I mean, a pair of lovey-dovey Draenei having a picnic while talking about giving peace a chance? See what you did there, Blizzard.

And that’s all for this week. I’m not really sure what I’ll do for next week’s instalment, soooo it’s a surprise! (I hate surprises. I’m sure you do, too, but I’m mean like that.)