Rant Day! Things That Pissed Me Off, April 25 – May Somethingsomething

So I didn’t have anything to complain about for like an entire week. It was only a matter of time before the world came back for the vengeance…

Item 1: To whoever has their music turned up so loud the water in my glass is vibrating like in Jurassic Park: give me your concrete address and say a last prayer. It’s a public holiday. Public holiday means quiet. You should have learned that in preschool. Prepare to meet your maker.

Item 2: Why do I always end up with Foucault, I swear the guy is haunting me.

Item 3: I’m having a completely unfounded pregnancy scare (as in, I just had my period, bitch, those eggs never stood a chance) and it’s ridiculous. I’m on birth control, I come from a family with few kids and some fertility issues, I just had my period, I shouldn’t even be worried, right? I mean… right? I took two pills today, I’m not even sure if you’re supposed to do that, but my panicky brain somehow doesn’t care.

Item 4: Public Transport News: Dear person of female persuasion, I don’t care if you’re pregnant, when you’re on the tube you don’t eat something, then lick all your fingers and the palms of your hand and then hang on to the grabpole. I wish I would have taken a picture of you to show people who ask me why I carry hand disinfectant everywhere. I can forgive the very-obviously-not-wearing-a-bra-thing, but getting your saliva all over everything? Not done. Wait, you smell weird. Waaaaait a minute, are you even pregnant? Be honest now, is that a baby bulge or a wine bulge? It’s 2 pm, you better not be drunk and beset by munchies! Although that would explain a lot.

Item 5: Dear Holy Smoke, you suck even by 90s movie standards and I hate that I had to watch you for a class. Oh, you’re so edgy and controversial because you show a woman pissing? Yeah, well, piss off. Also, am I the only white person in the world who never quite got the whole India craze?

Item 6: Dear Boyfriend: Eat your damned food, like, why do I even cook? Think I’m going to enforce a new rule, you don’t eat your dinner, I ain’t cooking the next day. Hate to sound like grandma but I’m not letting perfectly good food go to waste.

Item 7: House renovating people. First you put up scaffolding until juuuust so below my window, only to ne’er be seen again, now you’re taking up the entire sidewalk way at the other end of the house. Fucking decide!

Item 8: Boyfriend. Again. If I tell you to do something it means I’ve already considered all other options and decided that what I’m telling you now is the best course of action. Everything you say now has already been considered and deemed impractical. Now take the empty plastic box we never use down to the basement, there’s a good manbeast. No, it doesn’t fit up on the shelf. No, it can’t just stay in the middle of the room. No, there’s really no room up there now that I had to re-arrange everything so we have indoor space for the bikes. Oh, you want to try yourself? Suit yourself. I’m going to do laundry. The angriest, most resentful load of laundry ever.

Oh, so it doesn’t fit on the shelf? Well, who’d have thunk?

Item 9: Dear very drunk person at the supermarket: Go be drunk and in the way in the booze aisle, you’re blocking the chocolate. I need that chocolate. Have your arguments with yourself somewhere near the catfood, but stop blocking the chocolate. Tell your troubles to the baking soda, but stop blocking the chocolate. Comment on the arrangement of the condiments, but stop choc-blocking me!

 

And in non-pissed me off news: Blogging Awards. Guys, I know you mean well and I’m honoured, and I’m grateful that you want to nominate me… but all this re-blogging and question answering and the whole shebang, that’s work and doing stuff and you know how I feel about doing stuff. Thanks for thinking about me but it’s too much doing stuff.

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Addendum to the Last Post (Words Like Addendum Make You Look Like You Know Your Shit)

Okay, so, those awards from last post? Other people had the same idea and now I feel like Adele at the Grammy’s (at least I think it was the Grammy’s. They do the music thing, right?) So it’s 11 more questions and 7 more facts!

Mediocre Meg wants to know:

1. What do you enjoy most about blogging? The attention, duh! No, I just love to write stuff about myself. Wait, that’s the same thing.
2. Do you have pets? Why/Why not? Nope, allergic to everything. I mean, we haven’t tried Selonians yet, but who wants a Selonian as a pet? Do you know how much those things eat?
3. What’s your biggest regret in life so far? Let’s see… every aspect of my life?
4. What is your proudest achievement? Um… I’m not dead despite the best attempts of the world in general?
5. What’s your signature dish? Hm… I make really good pesto Genovese. And German cheesecake.
6. What is your strangest talent/hobby? Pointing out all the tropes and clichés in any given medium. (Okay, so maybe not strange, more like annoying.)
7. If you could have any super power, what would you pick, and why? Why only one?! Or can I do a Jean Grey thing and have ALL the powers? But if it’s really only one… flying would be cool. Or invisibility.
8. Where do you picture yourself in twenty years’ time? Well, realistically still stuck in Vienna, hopefully with a real full-time job, and since I’ll be in my mid-forties then, maybe with a kid or two.
9. What are you reading at the moment? University-related anything.
10. If you sat with your own brain, how would you picture it? Cheeky monkey? Child? Well-oiled machine? Spacious, light-filled room? Something else? A cross-breed between Sheldon Cooper, Dr. Susan Calvin, and a squirrel on caffeine.
11. Do you enjoy receiving this attention or are you currently cursing my name? Little bit of both, maybe? Nah, kidding. I love attention. I feed off attention. Feed me, Seymore!

 

And Screams and Muses wants some more facts:

  1. I don’t eat a proper dinner. I’m never really hungry in the evening, unless I haven’t eaten lunch. So it’s usually just toast, or sliced fruit/vegetables.
  2. You will rarely see me without my sunglasses because I have very light-sensitive eyes.
  3. I know Monty Python’s Spanish Inquisition sketch by heart.
  4. I’m a nightowl and sleep best between 2 and 10 am.
  5. I’m an only child.
  6. I’ve been doing Pilates for close to two years now.
  7. For appointments and the like I’m almost always early because I’m so afraid of being late.

Ta-da! Now you know so much about me we can be bffs!

Two posts in one: Award Season?! and Let us all mourn the end of Blogging101, it will be missed.

I post a post on Saturday, then life happened, I come back… and it’s like the Oscar’s all up in here, what the heeeeell? I’ve been blogging  for barely a month and two strange people I won’t name (kidding – it was Metamorphosis of a Wallflower and A Stitch to Scratch. “It was them, guv, it was them what done it!”) sent me awards.

one-lovely-blog-1liebster21

I don’t even have a speech prepared.

I didn’t even know those things existed. The awards want me to give them to another 15 people. Where am I going to find 15 people? Do I even know fifteen people? If I know fifteen people on the internet, I officially know more people online than offline. Guess I have to go find 5 more people. (I mean, it never said I have to give them to 15 people like right now.) (In case anyone hasn’t noticed, I’m not really good with this whole community thing. Or… anything that involves humans. I’m like a fleshy Dalek.)

Anyway, THANK YOU, Metamorphosis of a Wallflower and A Stitch to Scratch for the Lovely Blog Award, and thank you, Metamorphosis of a Wallflower, again for the Liebster Award! (That looks like a German word, did you know that?)

So without further ado, here are my nominees:

That’s right, you two, I’m nominating you back and you can’t stop me! Nothing in the rules that I can’t do that, neener-neener.

The rules of A Lovely Blog Award are as follows:

Nominations for this award are chosen by fellow bloggers in order to recognize newer and up-and-coming bloggers. As a new blogger myself, I am so thankful for being nominated and, in turn, I would like to recognize 15 bloggers whom I feel connect with their audience in a lovely way, whether it be through humour, sharing relatable life tales, creative writing, or any other manner. While I will completely understand if the people I nominate do not wish to accept this award, I would still like to acknowledge them here, and I hope that everyone will give their blog a good read. If those nominated would like to accept this award, then I ask that they please follow the guidelines listed below:

1. Thank the person who nominated you for the award.

2. Add the One Lovely Blog logo to your post.

3. Share 7 facts/or things about yourself

4. Nominate 15 bloggers you admire and inform the nominees by commenting on their blog.

And now, according to the rules, I have to share 7 facts about myself:

  1. I have no idea what colour my hair is. It looks different in every kind of light. My passport says blond, but people usually refer to me as redhead.
  2. I’m 165cm (5’4”) tall. That’s not very tall.
  3. I read peer-reviewed journals for fun.
  4. I do calf raises while I brush my teeth.
  5. I wear glasses because I’m blind as a bat.
  6. Tea, not coffee. (Unless it’s Pumpkin Spice Lattes, but they put hardly any coffee in there.)
  7. I love 80s music.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the nominees for… the Liebster Award!

So, here are the rules for accepting the Liebster Award:

  •  Post the award on your blog.
  •  Thank the blogger who presented this award and link back to their blog
  •  Write 11 random facts about yourself.
  •  Nominate 11 bloggers who you feel deserve this award and who have less than 200 followers.
  •  Answer 11 questions posted by the presenter and ask your nominees 11 questions.

Below are the answers to the questions asked by my nominator (is that a word?):

  1. What is your favourite season, and why??? I’m a white girl, so according to the internet, fall, duh. No seriously, though, I like fall. It’s like spring but without the pollen (I’m allergic), not mercilessly hot like summer, not freeze-your-ass-off cold like winter… sometimes, at least.
  2. How do you like your eggs done??? There’s a joke: “How do you like your eggs in the morning?” – “Unfertilized.” Ba-dum-tss. Fried.
  3. Any pets??? Nope. Allergic to just about everything. I mean, we haven’t tried Ewoks yet, but…
  4. What are you good at??? Bitch, please, you want a list?! I’m good at a lot of things. Like procrastination, I fucking dominate that.
  5. Favourite Christmas special on TV??? Batman TAS “Christmas with the Joker”. (It was on TV once, it counts.)
  6. Name a random hobby. Writing obscure and weird fanfiction.
  7. Do you collect anything??? Bad habits.
  8. Name one thing or type of thing that you always have to buy, but know you don’t need. Facewash. I’m so paranoid I’m going to run out mid-shower that I always have to buy some. Most of it is still sitting on the bathroom shelf.
  9. Favourite scent??? Like perfume? I have a really good French vanilla perfume, I like it a lot. I run around smelling like a Christmas bakery.
  10. Pumpkin spice lattes: yay or nay??? Definite YAY!
  11. Mac or PC??? Eh… PC, though I can work just fine on Mac. Mac doesn’t support a lot of my games, though.

Now that that’s done, here are 10 questions (because there’s only ten nominees, everything else would be unfair) for my unfortunate nominees:

  1. Pea-green nail polish, edgy or icky? (Bonus points if you get the reference)
  2. Tea or coffee?
  3. Favourite holiday?
  4. List three of your hobbies.
  5. What’s your favourite genre of music?
  6. What’s your favourite genre of film?
  7. What was your favourite subject in school?
  8. Impulse purchasing: Fess up, do you do it?
  9. What’s your favourite ice cream flavour?
  10. On a scale of 1 (not at all) to 10 (very, very much), how much of a procrastinator are you?

So remember, kids, I don’t often comment, but I ALWAYS read. My eyes are everywhere!

Now that that’s done, off to the second part of this post!

I was going to post all this yesterday already, but then I had an appointment with Aunt Eye Doctor and they gave me eye drops there. Like, right there, so their machine could test something or other. The stuff dilated my pupils until I looked like a stoned squirrel. No, really. That’s how big my pupils were.

Problem being, with a seriously dilated pupil you can’t see properly anymore. Everything right in front of my face, with or without glasses, was blurry as all hell. Everything at a 20-40 cm distance I could only see without glasses. Everything farther away, I could see with glasses on but not off.

So doing anything on the computer was a real task. Option 1: Put glasses on, sit so far back that I can’t reach the mouse anymore. Option 2: Take glasses off, put my face at a 20 cm distance from the screen, acquire neck cramps. Option 3: Sit normally, I’m fucked, I can’t see a damned thing.

So computer-related anything had to be delayed until now. Pupils are still kind of wide but no longer stoned-squirrel like.

Soooo I’m a bit late for the last Bloggin101 assignment, which was… what was it, anyway? Ah, yes, editorial calender. Okay, so we got Rant Day, which I’m definitely going to keep and which will possibly happen somewhere around the weekend. And then I thought I could introduce a little educational thing maybe every second week to tell you interesting stuff about Linguistics, anglophone literature, German, and other fun stuff! Won’t that be great, kiddies? Between that we still have my normal venting, which I guess will happen a lot more frequently than you’d like. Oh, sure, it’s funny at first, but it gets annoying real quick. It’s like a very active puppy.

And well, that was it for Blogging101. Anyone up for Blogging201? I’m still on the fence.