Item 1: People who can’t google shit. I mean, I’d kinda get it if this was an older person, but it’s not. We’re supposed to be a technology obsessed generation, pal. Fucking act like it and google your very simple quest for information. I learned how to scramble eggs with the help of the internet and so can you. Only that you weren’t looking for how to scramble eggs, but you get the point.
Item 2: Boyfriend, aka Mister Oh-I-have-to-study-so-much who spent the last hour on the sofa gently snoring. On a day were you got up at noon. I thought we had this agreement that when I go to work and it’s your day off you do the day’s chores? No? Oh, we never made that agreement the day we moved in? Funny, I was so sure. Maybe in hindsight I should have gotten that in writing. But I’m absolutely certain we have not agreed upon you getting up at noon and then playing on the computer the entire day, then when I come home and ask you to do one simple task like loading the dishwasher suddenly remember you need to study like yesterday. Then take a nap on the couch.
Item 3: My flat is a mess. I hate it when my flat is a mess. I don’t even want to venture into the bathroom anymore. My sort-of job (I consider it to be only sort of because the pay is the monetary equivalent of a warm handshake and a good-natured old-man “Run along now, kiddo, run along”.) is keeping me uncharacteristically busy and somehow tiring me out enough to throw my OCD-esque cleaning schedule out of whack. Well, at least I know what I’ll do on the weekend. Or maybe after I finished my tea.
Item 4: Autumn. Expectation: colourful leaves, nice cool breezes, some last rays of sunshine. Reality: WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE, WE GOT LOTS OF RAIN! WE GOT FUCKING TONS OF RAIN, BASICALLY JUST RAIN! And wind that can apparently knock over small children and old people.
Item 5: I don’t know if it’s the ‘hood I live in or if it’s because I’m getting older but I’m receiving markedly more male attention. And by attention I mean unabashed stares courtesy of the 40+ crowd. Did someone spray paint “I need a sugar daddy” on my face when I wasn’t looking? I mean, not that I’d be averse…
Item 6: I’m growing into the kind of age group where people like to share tips with me on how to save money in the process of a wedding. Okay? Thanks? Why? I mean, yeah, you just got married, nice going there, but I’m not gonna, so… Fuck, maybe I’m just old. I’m so damn old. I’ll be saying this for the rest of my life and it won’t get any untruer.
Item 7: Sometimes I curse my habit for ridiculously long and complicated passwords because like hell can I log in to anything on my phone without at least four tries.
Item 8: Look, dude, if you wanna plan an event, you have to plan it. Not just throw it out there in a facebook chat and hope that things will work themselves out somehow. Look, it’s three simple steps to planning: 1) present idea, 2) find people to go along with it (and that doesn’t mean asking if someone’s interested, but asking who could do things or bring things), 3) delegate tasks and set deadlines. All the time working on the assumption, of course, that steps 1 and 2 were carried out in a reasonable time frame, which might be your first problem. Maybe I should lead a workshop? I’m kinda good at whipping other people into shape.
Item 9: So apparently the thing in my eye is not an infection. My eyes are merely so dry that the cornea is scratched and that’s why it hurts. So now I have to drop stuff into my eyes multiple times a day for the rest of my life like my 91 year old great aunt. This can only get worse with age, I’d like to sign up for eternal youth now.
Random Positivity: May assorted celestial creatures forever sing the praises of whoever invented the beverage by the name of London Fog.
Item 10: I used to hate this song, now I’ve been listening to it all week: