Once More With Feeling. And Lots of Money.

Yes! A thousand times yes to another chance at life! I fucked this one up, can I get a new one? Great.

If I could get a free rebirth there would really be only two logical choices: rich kid, or said rich kid’s cat. I mean, it’s always good to be a cat, but a cat with a rich owner? Set for life! All you have to do is nap and eat and look cute for instagram pictures.

Not famous-rich, though. Nothing worse than being famous, you’re in character 24/7 if you’re famous. More like, effortless old money rich where your family has been known for 200 years and everyone always went to the same college. A traditional richness. Wealth that doesn’t necessarily require work. The rich kids on instagram kind of rich. You know, like those rich bitches who just run a fashion blog and do Pinterest projects in their spare time, which is abundant.

Only I wouldn’t do that, I’d just study 15 different subject at this renowned old university my family has patronized since the 1700s and then use my family members’ massive influence, not to mention generous donations, to get a fellowship or something. Like who wants to be a CEO in their grandpa’s company, teaching and research is where it’s at!

Ans hey, if you throw in a penis and a general lack of melanin in with the rebirth, I’ll never have a problem again in my life! I’d love to know how it is to have an opinion without everyone around me rolling their eyes! I’d love for people to assume I can do technical stuff even though no screwdriver in the history of tools has ever been operated with a penis. I could be a drag queen! I could be whimsically feminine because I’m sure in my masculinity and all the liberal ladies would be crawling all over me. I could have three Ph.D.’s and a bitchin’  beard! Ah, that would be the life.

On the other hand, as a cat I’d just have to eat, sleep and look stupidly cute while chasing laser dots. I’d never have to worry about money, or rent and bills, or politics, or inequalities, or anything, really. I’d probably have to deal with cameras every once in a while, but that’s okay. I can just slap my human and thus earn them 100,00 views on Youtube. I’d be fine.

So if Rebirth Inc. ever opens, I’m so buying their cat package.

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