Item 1: I don’t understand construction workers, like they just randomly fuck off for a week, then come back to start hammering at 50 minute intervals between 7 and 11 a.m. What. Are. You Doing?!
Item 2: So a potential supervisor for my thesis blew me off and now I have to find another candidate, but because uni doesn’t start until October no one can be fucking reached. This dealt a critical blow to my motivation, so I think I’ll just abandon all research for the moment and binge watch Elementary.
Item 3: I watched so much Doctor Who over the last few months I’m starting to feel surfeited by it, so now I have to go on a Doctor Who break and binge watch Elementary.
Item 4: I just found out Sleeping Beauty is Boyfriend’s favourite Disney princess and I find his lack of taste disturbing. Like why, that bitch was just lying around for an hour while four fairies were fucking around with her fate and three of them dealt the useless prince some epics! Cheaters!
Item 5: Boyfriend still hasn’t discovered the cats.
Item 6: I got another compliment… I think. Is it a compliment when the parcel delivery guy tells you you are becoming ever more slimmer? I mean, I guess it’s a compliment, so I waved it off with an “Nah, I’m just wearing ever larger sweaters” and proceeded to overthink, so I had to binge watch Elementary to calm myself.
Item 7: Because I’m still waiting for a call back for that job interview I had my life is at a standstill. I can’t sign up for courses or anything until I hear from them because if they do hire me I’ll be busy every afternoon and I have to plan around that and arrrgh! Just tell me already!
Item 8: So after spending half the week in a virtual coma, somehow on Friday night 1:30 a.m. I was suddenly feeling awake, alert, and ready to be productive. Trouble is, what kind of productive activity can you do at 1:30 a.m. that won’t wake the entire house? I settled on cleaning the bathroom. Yep. What the hell, brain? Couldn’t we just binge watch Elementary?
Item 9: I feel like I’m getting a cold. Yep, it’s officially autumn. We’re also expecting 28°C on Monday.
Item 10: Tampons cost too damn much. Why can’t I get them for free? I didn’t choose the uterus life, the uterus life chose me!
Item 10.1.: Yes, middle-aged woman, I am in the drug store buying tampons. Just tampons. I’m not hiding them in between other items because I literally only need tampons. Stop giving me the judgy stare or I’ll judge you on your choice of hair dye and body lotion. Also, old man, stop looking embarrassed. You’re buying ten bottles of the same shampoo. Yes, I counted. I can think of a very good reason to buy tampons. I can’t think of a very good reason to buy ten bottles of the same shampoo that’s not even on sale. Do you have a horse tucked away somewhere that needs a wash?
Item 11: Am I on my period? Are you really asking me that? I started my day by waking up in a pool of blood, is that how you want me to end yours?
In not-so-complainy news: I’m celebrating my period anniversary this week… by having my period. Do you know how rarely this happens and how beautiful it is when it finally syncs up with the date? I also realised I could hypothetically also be the mother of a teenager had I gotten pregnant at eleven. This thought is scary.
…what do you mean, that’s weird? Who doesn’t celebrate their period anniversary?
P.s.: Did you know that in order to get rid of the uterine lining during your period your body produces more testosterone and progesterone? That means during those days your hormonal make-up is as close to that of a man as it’s ever going to get naturally. By implication, this means of course a man’s hormonal make-up is like he’s on a super hulk period 24/7. Stuff to think about next time you catch a man crying over a sports game! (Give him a snickers and tell him he’s pretty.)