Item 1: So they locked my balcony door. This is the most annoying thing ever. Indoor temperature about 30°C. And I can’t unscrew it from the outside because they used some sort of weird industrial screws and none of my screwdriver bits will fit. I don’t feel I’m getting enough air in here and I will probably have asthma related issues soon. House management is, as always, less than remotely helpful in all this.
Item 2: Heat! Why? This is the 21st century, according to ancient Doctor Who episodes we should already be controlling the weather! You lied to me!
Item 3: Body. My body is not made for heat. Anything over 25°C and I look a lot like the wicked witch of the west when confronted with a bucket of water. (“I’m melting!”) I bought antiperspirant just so my clothes won’t be completely soaked after a ten minute walk to the post office. Is it too late to book a summer vacation in Sweden? Or Iceland! I hear Iceland’s nice this time of the year. And apparently they have ponies.
Item 4: I must be depressed, because I listened to The Smiths again. This is bad. No, this is really bad. On a scale from 1 to Morrissey, it’s very bad.
Item 5: Seriously, house management, you need a workshop for internal communication or something. We have this saying in German, you know, the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing? That’s exactly what’s going down here. Yes, I did call. No, I don’t know who I talked to, just that she seemed kind of clueless. Yes, she did say they’d call me back. No, they didn’t call me back. Now once we’re done debating useless points, are you going to answer my questions before I turn full on supervillain and threaten your HQ with mechanical ninjas or what?
Item 6: Why couldn’t I just have been a supervillain or trained assassin? Life would be so much easier if you could just kill people and successfully hide the bodies. I mean seriously, where do people go to learn this? Is this like an apprenticeship or something? Would the federal employment office pay for me to learn that, do you think? Why isn’t there an assassins guild like on Discworld anyway?
Item 7: In slightly related news, I’m thinking of getting a teaching qualification, anyone know anything about TESOL or CELTA? Can’t decide.