Manic Monday, Freewrite Monday

So it’s Monday and it’s also a public holiday which means I’m here, stuck at home, feeling bludgeoned by all the things that need doing. When I grew up free days where for doing all the things that you didn’t get around to during the week. I’m still in this habit, and then I’m surprised when I don’t feel relaxed and rested even after a long weekend because I feel like I did nothing in particular anyway; I was just at home, staying in, working on half a million projects. But it’s not like I have a choice, I mean, I still have two presentations to prepare, and each has me less than enthusiastic, but I complained about that on Friday already.

This morning I sent out my application for a postgraduate programme for library science, which is a relatively new thing in my country which is why they only take like 40 people each year. Yes, 40 people. Apparently no one needs librarians. And this programme targets people who already are librarians. Wish I had known what I wanted to be at 14, then I could have just taken on an apprenticeship, but who the hell knows what they want to do for the rest of their life at 14? Our job system is so old it’s not even funny. Like, it’s from a time when people died at 50 and just did the same job their parents or other relatives did.

I think this whole idea of having one job your entire life is just not feasible anymore. People of my generation have a life expectancy of 85 and a shaky prospect of receiving any sort of pension. Most companies don’t even last 85 years long anymore.

I sent the application with my eyes closed. I always do that with important mail, close my eyes and hit sent, like I’m hitting the big red button on a cartoon bomb, only it feels like dropping an h-bomb on my life.

My mind is so frazzled this week I wrote down my to-do lists on three different mediums because I’m scared of forgetting absolutely everything. It’s probably to do with the migraine. Really scared of early onset alzheimer’s though. Being forgetful and disorganised just shouldn’t happen at my age. Not without the help of alcohol, at least.

Maybe it’s because it’s a public holiday and Boyfriend has been home all weekend. And today. And will be tomorrow. Which means I don’t get to be alone as much as I’d like. Which is bad, because too much social interaction does horrible things to my easily overwhelmed brain. My brain is like a toddler, it needs quiet time or it goes crazy.

Also, social interaction. I should be more social, so I don’t go another kind of crazy, but no one wants to be social with me. At the moment, it’s easier to get a doctor’s appointment settled than a meet-up with any of my friends. One just up and left the country for a few weeks. Another is always busy, then when we finally schedule something cancels at the last minute. None of them use any form of social media (and yes, they’re my age), so staying in touch is actually only possible via text. Why do I always have to text y’all bitches anyway if you won’t text back, anyway?

Blergh. Mondays are hard and depressing. Who invented those things anyway?

Also, there’s construction work going on at my building and I have to navigate in a sort of zig-zag pattern just to get to my front door. This is annoying.

Okay, twenty minutes are up and back to work I go.

My right mouse button seems to be broken. This is also annoying.

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