Rant Day! Things That Pisseth Me Offeth, Feb 14-20

So last week was pretty slow. This week was one of those where everything has to be done like yesterday.

Item 1: Self. You know that thing we talked about, with the food? And how you should consume it regularly? As in, about every six hours? Instead of like twelve? For heaven’s sake, just pack yourself some snacks when you have a really long day and no break in between!

Item 2: New Shoe Syndrome. I look fresh to death in my new shoes (total bargain! … which may be part of the problem, now that I think about it) but they made my feet hurt SO BAD. I have blisters up to my waist! Not surprising, seeing as I usually go everywhere in my Docs, which are to shoes what giant old comfy sweaters are to outerwear, and my new ones are proper ankle boots with a narrower toe and an actual 6cm heel. That’s a lot for someone who never wears heels. Even if it’s a really chunky heel. It’s a great leg workout, though, I can feel every least little muscle. Get used to your new boss, feet!

Item 3: Tired. I’m always tired. And I don’t know why and it’s annoying. Guess it’s going to be spring soon! I mean, hibernation is so over, sleeping until summer, that’s where it’s at! Like a temporally confused time-travelling bear!

Item 4: So someone called me Wednesday Addams the other day. I don’t even have black hair. It’s the sarcastic comments, they say. I don’t even remember Wednesday as being very sarcastic; as far as I can tell she’s always serious when she says she wants to rip someone’s head off. I’m not… always. But that thing about the goat was definitely a joke.

Or was it? Dun, dun, DUUUN…

Item 5: Maybe it’s the influence of Dorothy Zbornak but I’m being my most sarcastic self at the moment. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Everyone else thinks I’m hilarious this week. Yeah… I’m being really mean and people think I’m joking. Why can’t anyone laugh at my actual jokes?

Item 6: Friend, I’m telling you hilarious stories from work to regale you. Not as a way of saying, oh by the way, I want to jump co-worker’s bones. There is no one bone-jump-worthy there, except for one female colleague and she’s so not interested. Not everyone guy I interact with, especially not the one gayer than a picnic basket, is of potential sexual interest. My vagina is a picky eater.

Item 7: So the vacuum cleaner broke. New vacuum cleaners are expensive. And it’s already been one hell of a month financial wise. But what can you do, and now we have this fancy new thing because Boyfriend knew the sales guy and we got it a teensy tiny little bit cheaper. Ten bucks say the make-the-cable-go-in-button is the first thing to break.

Item 8: Semester break’s almost over, what the fuck, where did it go?!

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