No, contrary to popular expectations the Christmas spirit has not turned me into a mellow, patient let-it-be hippie. Quiiite on the contrary.
Item 1: Do you ever look at your face and be like, “Where did all these wrinkles come from and why does nothing stop them from becoming deeper?” I do. A lot. It’s not fair! I don’t drink (too broke), I don’t smoke (too asthmatic), I get as much sleep as I can, I have sun protection in my make-up, I drink tons of water and yeeet the area around my eyes looks like a damned shar pei. Maybe I need to smile even less?
Item 2: Motherfuckers in charge. Motherfuckers of the public transportation system still haven’t send my ticket, even though I very clearly paid for it. If I get on a train this week and some smug fuckface of a ticket collector tries to fine me because I only have my old year-round ticket I swear I’m going to go postal. Fine your damn colleagues for not doing their sodding job!
Item 3: Brace yourselves, exams are coming (winter is already here, just deal with it). And I am so not motivated. I mean, who is ever motivated to study, especially if barely two years ago you had to take exams about the same damn thing? It just feels so redundant! Can’t I just write a paper? Or, y’know, work on my actual thesis?
Item 4: The three weeks of fir needles. I loved that Christmas tree. It was spiky all over but it smelled nice and I could swear the room was warmer when it was still there (it probably blocked the draught from the window). But Dec 6 has come and gone and with it the traditional time to say goodbye to your evergreen Christmas fellow. And there were fir needles. Oh, dear, were there needles. I’d say the manoeuvre to get the tree out the door turned my living room into a sewing room, but that would be cheesy. And even after sweeping and vacuuming twice, I still find more hiding in corners or trying to take up residence in my foot. Another great Christmas tradition: the twenty days of needles everywhere.
Item 5: Losing stuff. For the first time in at least five years, I’ve lost something. I had bought a new sweater and I lost it at university because I placed the plastic bag it was in under my chair during class and then forgot to take it with me. I don’t even know how this happened! I guess between talking to the prof and presentation mate nattering on beside me I just forgot it was there and I only noticed ten minutes from home and by that time of course the bag was lost for all eternity. Well… at least it was a very cheap sweater?
Item 6: I’m cursed. I think. Cursed with the May People Always And Forever Stand In Front Of Subway Doors Even If It’s Not Crowded curse. Why? Just whyyyyy? You get in and make a beeline not for the many free seats but for the door! And then you stand in front of the door for the entire ride! And then when I move towards that door you give me the stink eye and stand yourself in front of the other door! Are you Jenna Darabond? Did Mackenzie Zales put you in charge of the door? What is so special about doors, I don’t get it! Let me in on your big damn secret!
Item 7: Weather. Sooo it will just randomly get 15°C warmer? Okay then. Who can I sue for the cost of painkillers I’m going to need for my migraine this week?
Item 8: Okay, so I’m a bit Sheldon Cooper about seats. Class rooms, lecture halls, trains… I always sit in the same place. And then when I walk in the room and someone is already sitting in my place I get a little eye twitch but of course I don’t say anything. That would give away my craziness. But seriously… you’re in my spot.
Item 9: I was forced to go see the third part of the Hobbit film adaptation and while the first half was somewhat decent the rest, like the whole two films preceding it, was an absolute train wreck with fight scenes that rivalled Mortal Combat in their ridiculousness (troll runs against wall and falls down; Luke Evans skateboarding a hay cart into another troll; Elves jumping over dwarves; need I go on?). I mean, why not just go the whole way and have Elven Mary Sue kill someone with her knee long hair? But of course that didn’t happen because that would have been remotely cool, and she’s not there to be cool (or interesting, or anything really), she’s your average love interest, existing to be saved again and again by her love triangle dudes and weep for all eternity over the death of her almost-lover… or something, not like we ever see her again, which is surely for the best. Basically, I hope Peter Jackson falls off a cliff into a pit of Legos. And may he always lose exactly one sock in the wash. And may all his clocks be always ten minutes slow so he will be ten minutes late for the rest of his life.
But enough about me. What got on YOUR nerves during the holidays?