Item 1: Unreliability. So you say your office hours are so and so. Then you randomly change them to this and that. Then half an hour before that, you cancel altogether. You knew I was planning to show up. Now I can’t get my stuff done. What do you have to say for yourself?
Item 2: People. Who. Stand. In Front. Of Doors. When they have fuck all business to be there. But this time, there’s a plot twist! Okay, I admit it, I chuckled. I chuckled when you, Mr Hipster, almost fell backwards out of the train as the door opened. Huh, doors opening when the train arrives at a station, who woulda thunk! That’s what you get for standing in front of the door! Nice to see one of you bouncer fuckers get some karma!
Item 3: Men on public transport. I say men because I only ever see men doing this. Men, why do you feel the need to take up so much fucking space? You’re not that tall. You’re not that rugged. Your shoulders aren’t that broad. You don’t need to stand with your feet six yards apart, your dick isn’t taking up as much space in your pants as you are on the subway. And stepping on my foot won’t make me give up my spot. I earned this spot fair and square! I can stand here if I want to. I’m not in the way, except of course for people who decide that door over there isn’t good enough for them and they have to walk aaaaall along the carriage to the other door, but that’s not my problem. So I can stand here. You? Go stand over there, there’s space enough there. No, my foot will not yield. And if it does it might end up in your face. Go. Away. (And then when they finally stand somewhere they can’t keep still. They have to turn around or stretch their gorilla arms or fumble for their phones, elbowing anything and everything and especially everyone in the process. What gives? No seriously, what fucking gives? This is some cavemen bullshit.)
(I realise I complain A LOT about people and public transport, but those are two sources of stress that can not be avoided, at least not without a few million bucks in the bank and half a dozen robot slaves.)
Item 4: And speaking of public transport, what is wrong with this door? I know it’s working, other people are using it. Why is it not good enough for you? Is it beneath you or something? Was it rude to your mother? Did it say something nasty about your Mabel that one Christmas party after a the fifth glass of punch? What?! Why do you need to walk all this way over to the other door? It’s crowded as fuck, just get out where you can!
Item 5: Okay, what with the IS terror and everything I can kind of see why people might be a bit uneasy, but seriously, I’m not a terrorist, and this is not even a headscarf. I forgot my hat and it’s raining, so I improvised a hood out of my infinity scarf (without a doubt the only reason those things were invented. That, and making a face mask too, so you look a a WoW rogue.). I’m not going to go south and kill people. Stop staring at me like that. I don’t even have a religion! I’m just a mild-mannered English grad who doesn’t like rain! The only thing I can terrorize you with is grammar!
Item 6: Paranoia. No, Self, the overly friendly foreign student you are hereby charged to give an overview over this university through the uni’s volunteer program will not try to rape you. He’s probably just friendly, you know, culturally different boundary levels and shit. Oh, what’s that, you ordered two new cans of pepper spray? Really now? Oh, it’s just because the old ones are expire, you say? Well, whatever. Oh, you’re going to trust your gut? Have fun with that stomach ulcer, then. What was that? “You know how men are, they take everything as an invitation, like, being in the same general area with them.” And when’s the last time that happened, hm? “To me, or generally?” Ugh, nevermind. Do what you want, I’m making tea.
Item 7: Self, again. What’s with the anxiety and the crying? Why are you so antsy all of a sudden and why is there water pouring from your eyes? There is absolutely not reason for this, stop it. You can’t concentrate and you can’t sleep, what’s up with that now? You carry on like this and I drag your ass back to therapy and I don’t care what it costs.
So… that was all for now. What got on YOUR nerves this week?