Why is men’s fashion important? Because otherwise I’d have nothing at all to wear.
Looking back to this post, you might have guessed that I was a bit unhappy with women’s wear. I was and still am. Then this other post about men in sweaters happened and I thought I had something so say about that. So let me sing the praises of men’s sweaters.
See, I don’t have a lot of money. I’m still owed two months wages and it’s cold. It can’t possibly be colder in the ice block that Satan apparently inhabits (ask Dante, he was there. Or tripping balls. Anyway.). So this winter I ventured out to get cheap, warm clothes.
And therein lies the problem. You can either have cheap or warm. Definitely not both. I’m looking for something reliable that will last me a few years, but I’m so not going to pay more than 30 for a single item. Actually, I’m not going to pay more than 15 for a single item, because 30 can buy a week’s groceries for me. So off to Cheap Clothes Central, otherwise known as H&M and Forever 21. I’d go thrifting if it weren’t for the fact that some thrift shops here are actually more expensive than our cheap clothes stores.
Because it is winter, and again, actually cold, no matter what those Californian designers are thinking (seriously, where do you get your ideas of fall and winter from, fashion girls you see on Pinterest? They’d fucking die from hypothermia over here.), I quickly sigh the sigh of the defeated and slouch out of the women’s section. Because women’s sweaters don’t deserve the name. Odd cut and thin as paper. And itchy, because my skin doesn’t like the stuff that makes the material stretchy. Also, WHAT THE HELL I COULD WEAR LIKE FIVE OF THESE AND STILL BE COLD!
So I take a deep breath. Straighten my back. Draw back my shoulders. And attack the men’s section.
I always find it funny to be virtually the only female in the men’s section of a clothing store. Mostly because of the male shoppers. It’s like they’re one step away from growling. “Intruder!”, their looks seem to call. “Intruder! What dost thou intrude upon this our territory? Thou hath ventured beyond the pale, wench! Thou hast no business to be here, in these holy halls of manhood!”
Not like I could be shopping for my Resident Man Beast, right? I mean, I do, sometimes, but not right now.
Boyfriend is pretty similar in this respect, actually. I’m always silently laughing my metaphorical ass off when I browse the net and suddenly it’s like “Oh, those gloves look nice.” – “Should I get you some when I go out tomorrow?” – “Yes, pl… wait a minute, those are women’s gloves!” Boyfriend’s hands are as big as mine, by the way. It’s not like they wouldn’t fit. Or the opposite case: “What do you think of this shirt?” – “Looks nice.” – “Would you believe I got it in the men’s section?” – Cue giant eyes of disbelief and hasty retraction of former “Looks nice”. Males. Are. Weird.
Seriously, clothes are clothes. They’re made in the same sweat shop in Taiwan or China anyway. It’s especially stupid with things like scarves. Like… it’s a cloth rectangle. If it fits, I wear it. Unless we’re talking about a penis warmer I don’t see a problem.
The problem is of course the cost. Men’s clothes cost more, probably because they’re made of actual thread and cloth, not just of things the designer found lying on the floor. You know, old newspapers. Bagel bags. Starbucks coffee cups. Actually, a bunch of Starbucks coffee cups will probably keep you warmer than a women’s sweater. So your choices are spend more money on clothes or spend more money on cough medicine. I guess it evens out in the end.
Okay, so I can see why some people may not be able to comfortably shop in the other sex’s assigned department. Some girls have giant big boobs (you can tell from the adjectives that this is not one of my problems) that won’t cooperate with men’s shirts and I get that. Me, I can’t wear men’s trousers because they’re too loose around the mid and too tight around my butt (exception: men’s sweat pants. So comfy!). Sometimes sleeves are too long, and everything is too wide. But honestly? If I’m cold I don’t really care.
I own a lot of men’s clothing, actually, and you wouldn’t know it unless I told you. Basic t-shirts that on my frame are a loose fit. Long sleeved shirts that look great with skinny jeans. Plaid shirts that go with everything. Scarves. Gloves. Hats. Hoodies! Giant warm sweaters! They’re giant because a men’s S is apparently a women’s XL! But I don’t care! You don’t easily get all-cotton for women, at least not for the kind of price I can afford. I’m so grateful for that 15.- cotton knit long sweater that doubles as a very short winter dress (necessity is the mother of invention). I love cotton! Mostly because it keeps you warm! Not that I mind artificial fibres. I just can’t wear a lot of them because allergy issues. Sure, my life would be easier if I could just comfortably wear any acrylic or polyester (and then hope to never get caught in a fire). But am I the only one who’s freezing here? I just don’t feel like they keep you warm. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way round?
It’s all in how you wear it, and obviously I’m very good at that, because bitch, I’m fabulous (three snaps, ’cause I’m sassy as hell). It’s also pretty much impossible to mistake me for a guy (but thanks for your concern, Boyfriend), because 1. I’m very short, 2. my face is very feminine, 3. I wear skirts a lot in winter because it’s absolutely impossible to fit three pairs of wool tights under any sort of pants. Guys, if you’re cold, try that, it works. Yes, that includes guy-guys. It’s a valid option until we finally get some decent fashionable cold protection suits. And Taun-Tauns.