Sometimes I’m not the fierce bad bitch of legend. Some days I’m just an ‘ard-working girl in desperate need of a sandwich.
Today was such a day. And what a day it was! Filled with endless things to do! Followed by frustrations! First thing in the morning, my wallet kinda fell apart. Now I have to buy a new one. Then I went shopping. Didn’t even buy anything. Because nowhere has what I want, which is a basic cheap wallet with lots of slots for my various cards, and a basic big warm cardigan that I’m not allergic to. Can’t get more frustrating than being kept from the simple joy of spending money I don’t have on things I don’t need. Followed by more frustrations at home! Seriously, Boyfriend, you can’t vacuum clean one god-damn time? It’s not my fault you had to stay up until 5 am to watch senseless live streams, thus slept until god knows when, thus didn’t get anything done.
And in all this double, double toil and trouble I didn’t get around to eating, so I just had breakfast, an apple, and a bunch chocolatey unhealthy stuff all day. And by the time I came home I was sooo hungry. Forget hungry like a wolf, I was hungry like a god damned grizzly. Like an entire pack of wolves. Like an entire pack of grizzlies and wolves. But then I was so angry I resolved not to cook today. Nay, not today, not ever! I cook every day and I’ve had enough! Revolt! Rebellion! I’d rather acquire some food on my way to my language course!
I ended up at Subway and got the daily sub. I don’t know why, but I’ve had a hankering for a sandwich for days. A sandwich is one of the simple joys of life. Just like a home cooked meal, but no one ever cooks for me anymore and it makes me kind of sad. Anyway. Do you know the feeling when you’re so hungry you basically turn into a zombie and then you take the first bite of food in what seems like aeons and suddenly it’s like the heavens are opening up and choirs of angels start to sing all the while you are bathed in golden light? At least that’s what I felt when I took the first bite of my Subway sub on the subway.
When I’m really hungry I get really, really depressed. Like, I really feel like crying. No sleep, no water, or no food = sad times for me. I don’t know why. I heard this happens when you’re diabetic but I’m not. And it’s always been this way, which may be why my mother’s go-to line was always “Eat/drink something, you’ll feel better!”
It’s weird how sometimes I forget that food is literally vitally important. I just push it back like oh, I’ll get something later, when really I should be like, “NO! No delays in food intake!” And everyone I know is always engaged in this weird kind of Neglecting Basic Needs Olympics, like “I only slept two hours!”, “I haven’t eaten since yesterday!”, “I only have three bucks in my account!” I think sometimes we forget that we call it basic needs because they’re the basis for everything else.
Also, if I don’t eat enough, I gain weight. Ironic, isn’t it? But it’s true. My body apparently believes it’s living smack in the middle of the last Ice Age, so the minute I don’t get regular food it’s all like “No food? Oh my stars and mammoth skin garters, we’re starving! Better hold on to every least little fat cell!” Of course, if I eat too much, I gain weight, too. So I need to eat much and train much to keep my
svelte slim okay-ish figure. Took me over two decades to work this shit out.
And then I was so hungry still that I got another sandwich after language class. I went to a different store this time, though. Didn’t want the blessed sandwich makers to think I was weird. “This bitch came in two hours ago to get a sandwich, now she’s getting another one? And a footlong?! Better call the cops, she’s probably on bath salts!”
And because I’m such a nice person I let Boyfriend have half of my sub.
I get like this sometimes when I’m hungry.