Blogging201 or, Love Me Already!

Eeeyup, here we go.

The problem is I’m a lot better at planning for other people than for myself. I can organise everyone’s life but my own. And I do, often. Getting everything and everyone shipshape except moi, that’s my thing. I never have any sort of goal. I meander through life like the manic-(depressive) pixie some-dream-huh girl that I am. (Someone make a movie about me staring Zooey Deschanel already.) What’s the hurry, maaan, I like to do things as they come to me, maaan, you should chill, maaan, peace, maaan.

And it’s totally not like my motivation for everything including breathing has gone completely out the window these past few days or something. Absolutely not, I’m a right little ball of energy and getting-stuff-done-ness… zzzzz….

So if you tell me now to set goals for my blog you might as well tell me to turn Mount Everest into a skiing resort while I’m at it, or teach my mother how to use Windows 8, using nothing but a manual that was translated from Korean to Dutch by an Armenian goat herder. Via interpretative dance.

So let’s go through some potential goals nice and slow:

Increase followers by X % by X date and number of daily hits by Y%.

Yes, my life would be pure sunshine and smiley koalas if I could actually control what other people do. Do you know how much easier that would make everything? So this one is right out.

Publish three times a week.

Say whaaaaat? I don’t even have that much to say! Look, I have like a life now, so, you know, less time for dicking around the internet complaining about everything in sight? On the other hand….

Spend one hour each week visiting my followers’ blogs, reading their posts, and commenting on their work, from now until April 1st.

Ooookay, I think I can do that.

Establish a new weekly feature on my blog by December 31st (Throwback Thursdays, Wordless Wednesdays, Soup Sundays), and publish that feature each week through June 30th.

How do you blog on Wordless Wednesdays, via web cam and charades? Actually….

Create an editorial calendar for the next three months by November 1st.

Grooooaaaaan….

Gain 100 new Twitter followers for my blog by December 31st.

I don’t have Twitter. Is that weird? I don’t have Instagram either. Is that weird? All this technology like stuff, maaan….

Okay, I see your awesome goals and raise you a Rant Day, another post every week, and I’ll even throw in a daily prompt 2-3 times a month if I find one I like. How’s that sound?

And apparently I’m a brand new brand now, so you can book me for parties. (Hah, no, don’t do that.) But I don’t want to be a brand! I don’t want you to expect anything. I want to be the Spanish Inquisition. (If you don’t get it, swing your likely buns over here, good grief, how can you not know this?)

Siiigh. Major siiiiigh. I’ll try, maaan.

(Actually, I’m allergic to flowers and hemp and patchouli ‘n shit, I’d be the worst hippie ever.)

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