Item 1: My blender decided to commit suicide. It was a horrible leaky suicide. Dear electrical appliances, if you decide to sing your swan song, please do so without leaving the kitchen an absolute mess. (I got a new blender but I have yet to try it, so it’s pretty much on probation right now.)
Item 2: Alright, I admit it. I’m no longer in denial, and I admit it. I’ve looked at some old pictures and I admit it: Mom was right; my hair really is getting thinner. I don’t know what annoys me more, that fact or just her being right. She told me in the ever tactful way that is reserved for the elderly, small children, and your own mother: She handed me a bottle of caffeine shampoo when parental units, boyfriend, and me went out to lunch. Apparently I have major hair loss due to stress. Yay. Now someone tell me how to de-stress between master’s programme, sort-of job, further internship hunting, and household chores for two. I’m already doing pilates and eating well, and it’s not helping. (Maybe it’s the weight loss? Because three years ago my hair looked mostly alright but I was bordering on being overweight. Or maybe it’s just the stress. Aaallll the stress.)
Item 3: Rude Ass Bastard on the tram. We get it, RAB, you’re in a hurry, but standing in the door and loudly proclaiming “How many more people are going to get in?! The pharmacy is about to close!” is not going to help matters. Especially if said proclaiming is done to the face of everyone getting in. If you need to go to the pharmacy so badly why don’t you get out and run? It’s only one station. Again, standing in the door all “How many more people are getting on? This is ridiculous! Oh, man….” It’s rush hour, you silly dick, everyone and their step-mother is going home from work, so stop blocking the door! You goat-brained mallard fucker, get your tail into the train and shut the hell up!
Item 4: Stupid bint taking up the entire escalator. Weren’t you taught as a child that you’re supposed stand on the right side of the escalator so people can pass you on the left? Not stand in the fucking middle of the damn thing with your umbrella open? And don’t give me this death glare when I brush past you. You ignored my “Excuse me”. It was loud and clear enough. Move or get shoved as I try to manoeuvre around your sorry frill-clad ass, ain’t my problem. Apart from that, why should I even say Excuse Me when you are clearly making a nuisance of yourself? Why do I always have to be polite to people I just want to throw a brick at?
Item 5: No, Mr. new glasses salesman guy, I don’t want the fancy super glass in my new spectacles, I’ll take the regular one, thank you very much. I can’t afford this. Stop looking at me like I’m an idiot.
Item 6: Self. You really need to spend so much on your new glasses, yes? Was that really necessary? Couldn’t you pick a cheaper frame model? No? They all look stupid? Well, maybe the problem is your face! You better take care of those damn glasses when you get them.
Item 7: Body. Chill the fuck out. So you haven’t had food in six hours, why are you treating this like the biggest famine ever? Do you really need to feel sick and light-headed and on the verge of passing out? It’s just six hours! You can’t always get food! You have to learn to relax and deal! Not be like “Food noooooow”. You’re not a cat, godammit!
Item 8: My two favourite PC games. Do you have to be so damn interesting both at the same time? I can’t afford both of you! I don’t even have time for the both of you! Please, one of you be boring again so I don’t have to stress about how I waste my time as well!
Item 9: Bouncer guy. You’re not a bouncer. You’re a short, bespectacled middle-aged tosser with a presumable microscopic dick. That’s as good an explanation as any as to why, when you boarded the train, you decided to stand your sorry ass right in front of the subway doors. The subway doors that were about to open on that side at the next station. It’s not crowded. There’s many free handrails. Why did it have to be the doors? You’re not guarding secret treasure. You’re not guarding an entrance to neither castle nor club. You’re not even one of the Knights who say Ni. You’re just being a no-good tedious fool, an idle-headed horn-beast, a paunchy unwash’d clotpole, a brazen-faced knave! Get the everloving fuck away from the doors, you loggerheaded boil-brained malcontent! How now, wool-sack, what lookst thou thus upon me when I give you the librarian stare? I stare at you like that because I need to get out there. And you’re in the way. Sod. Off.
So that were my biggest annoyances this week. What pissed YOU off this week?