New feature, you say? Alright, new feature it is. And I’m sure this will be easy to keep up.
I’m not yet sure if it will be every Friday, or Saturday, or just on the weekend, but I’m sure I’ll be able to vent once a week. I mean, c’mon, we’re talking about me here!
So what pissed me off this week? Well…
Item 1: Slow people. Where do you come from and why don’t you crawl back there? Why do you need to be… so… slow? Why are you always in front of me? Why do you insist of walking in the exact middle of the sidewalk so no one can overtake you? Why do you and your friends decide the sidewalk is yours and yours only and none shall pass? You’re not fucking Gandalf, but I swear I’ll go balrog on your ass if you don’t move out of the way right the fuck now! This goes double for suits! I don’t care if you’re lawyers! Even the Queen of England doesn’t insist on walking six men abreast on a public sidewalk! And don’t you dare give me the stink eye when my bicycle bell scares the shit out of you, that’s what you get for walking in the clearly marked bike lane! What are you good for and why do you exist?!
Item 2: People who stand in passageways. It may be a doorway, like the only entrance to the department building. It may be the door of the subway. It may be the door of the train. It may be a narrow corridor. They are there! And they will not leave! Seriously, why do you need to park your ass right in front of the train doors if you have no intention whatsoever of getting off at the next stop? I mean, I could kinda understand it if it was super crowded, but it’s not. Bugger off! And why do you and your friend think the only place to hold your friendly chat is in the middle of the fucking doorway? Take two steps to either side and blab to your hearts’ content there! And why do you and your 5-6 people clique scoff as I push through you on my way to the library? Do not scoff if I push you out of the way! If you don’t react to “Excuse me, please”, it’s push time in my book. You are in the way, you probably know you are in the way, that is, if you are possessed of any kind of reasoning facility, though with your pitifully small head I doubt it, and you deserved that push! I mean, I tried to be nice! Have you any idea how hard it is to be nice when all I want to do is murder you and bury you in the backyard? Fuck the hell off!
Item 3: Boyfriend: Yes, it’s nice that you decided to take a month long vacation before starting your advanced training to spend time with me, but did it have to be October? You know October is always hella busy, don’t complain! I warned you! And don’t tell me you’re not mad. I know you’re mad. Might as well just come out and say “Why did you have to find a job now?” Instead of turning around and saying it’s not even a real job. If you’re bored between your seemingly endless playing of three different PC games while I’m away, there’s plenty of work that needs doing around the house, so get going!
Item 4: My face: Did you really need to break out now? I know I’m stressed right now, but guess what, you’re not helping! You’re making me more stressed! By the way, do your eyes really have to be this close together? Can’t you move that up a bit?
Item 5: Myself: Stop procrastinating and get things done, dammit! Why do you always leave things to the last moment?! You know it only end badly for you! Get off your ass, stop the Doctor Who marathons, (quit the potato chips while we’re at it), and do something productive! Also, you haven’t worked out for two days in a row again, get your cunting arse in gear!
Item 6: My social life: Really, friends? No word from you all summer long, because you were all too busy going on holidays and “didn’t feel like doing anything” if you weren’t, and now all of a sudden it’s like “Have time for me!”? I do what I can but you just maybe have to wait a week! Why does my social life always come in clusters? Swarms? Quagmires? I’m being swamped with social things here!
Item 7: Weather: Pick a temperature and stick with it! What are you, Bella from Twilight? You’re the weather, dammit, not some Mary Sue who can’t decide between some stupid boys!
Item 8: Can’t a girl be alone anywhere?! Seriously, sometimes I get nostalgic about living with my parents because at least I had a room of my own! (And that was about the only good thing about that particular living arrangement, I keep reminding myself, but at least I could be alone somewhere.)
And that was all from me for now. What pissed YOU off this week?