Items From My Non-Existent Bucket List

Today’s task was to pick an event, and what should catch mine eye but the Silly Bucket List Sundays.

Okay, so it’s not Sunday. Do I look like I care? Is it my fault that it’s not Sunday? Why is Sunday only one day long anyway? Can’t we make Monday part of Sunday? I’d be all for extending Sunday over the course of three or four days. I say we could all use a week-long Sunday. But no one ever listens to me.

Anyway.

We don’t usually do bucket lists in Austria, sincerely or otherwise. Mostly because we don’t use the phrase “to kick the bucket”. We rather look at radishes from below, hand in the spoon, bite grass, or don our wooden pajamas. In typical German-speaking fashion we call it ‘list of things to do before I die’, if we even participate in this strange phenomenon, but I think we might need a new name.

So here are some items from my silly wooden pajamas list:

  1. Establish a human colony on the Saturn moon Titan.
  2. Use the giant methane lakes of Titan to establish a fancy overpriced spa.
  3. Be elevated to godhood under the name Bikkjuna, Goddess of Useless Complaints.
  4. Adopt Vincent Price as my grandfather.
  5. Get a hold of a time machine to retroactively kick my high school bullies in the nads, then convince Ben&Jerry to produce Apfelstrudel flavoured ice cream.
  6. Take a selfie with a Mars probe while on Mars.
  7. Teach extraterrestrials to crochet.
  8. Kick Darth Vader in the nads.
  9. Destroy another Death Star, there must be one lying around somewhere.
  10. Have a 30 cm (12 inch) pet Dalek and put little bows on it. It will be so cute!

Ta-da! I like these list things. Do you think I should do more list things? I think I should do more list things.

Do you think it’s annoying writing ‘list things’ over and over? List things, list things, list things!

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