So even with instructions it took me for.e.ver to find the right thingy to click on. Why? ‘Cause I’m a dingus and probably still sleep deprived. Because after having eight hours of sleep in two days, yesterday I decided to retire early… and slept for 14 hours. I meant to get up early. You know the old saying, early to bed, early to rise, oh hello snooze button, let me assault you until you give up. Yeah. I’m feeling kinda woozy.
Anyway, the thing we were talking about. Title and tagline. I edited an embarrassing little spelling mistake that I hope to hell and back no one noticed, so that counts as editing, haha! That’s the thing with an English degree, people forget that you’re human and not an English-dispensing machine. One slight mistake and it’s an avalanche of “But you’re an English student, you should know/notice/do it right the first time that!” Yes, I should, but I’m also slightly dyslexic and otherwise a bit stupid, do you give native speakers shit for not being able to correctly apply there/their/they’re, no, then give me a fucking break and give me spell check!
Anyway… Because changing that whole title, no. No. Do you know that I agonized for a week over that damn thing? That I did some real thinking about this just on the off chance that I can’t edit it later on? All those thoughts of “Hm, I don’t know, three l’s in a row, no one will be able to type that, who has the patience for three l’s, oh whatever.” and “I could laugh myself silly over that joke but no one else will, why am I so funny to myself, hey friend, do you get it, no, okay, looks like I’m only funny to myself.” That thing already reflects me! Grad student – that’s my identity right now. That’s my dominant subject position. Sure, I have a bunch of others, but they’re not as relevant to this here section of my life. Do you know how much identity you lose if you don’t have a job? I live in a culture that likes to tie identity to The One Useful Thing You Do, and by “useful” they mean “tax-paying”. No one cares if you take care of elderly relatives, or make the best basil pesto this side of Rome, or do entire research projects by yourself because your course mates are a bunch of slackers, or have children, or been to the moon, or anything. The first question when you meet someone will always be “What do you do?” and it means “What do you do to earn money?”. And because no one wants my working power at the moment, I don’t have much of an identity. Except studying. That’s the one useful thing I do right now.
Let’s get to the Still Life part. It’s a joke and you don’t get it, do you? Okay, so maybe it’s not a good joke. You know, still life… it’s because my life is kinda uneventful right now, like a still life, you know, the art thing type. Depressed looking bowls of fruit and stuff. Maybe with a skull thrown in if we’re talking Baroque period. And now imagine a bunch of arranged flowers, or fruit lying around and picture, a little way off to the side, your typical college student just standing there, making a face like “Whuh? Why am I in a painting?” Or like those kind of still lives with like cats or dogs or dead chickens, imagine a college student sprawled out on a table, recently pelted with fruit, all like “Oh god, so many papers, whyyyyy?”
It’s funny to me, okay? That’s also part of me. Making jokes that only I laugh at.
The tagline already says everything. It’s just rambling here. It’s nothing but rambling. Sometimes maybe bantering, but mostly rambling. And it’s all pretty nonsensical and pretty self-absorbed and pretty first world problem-y. Therefore inane. So there.
It’s like people think I don’t think about this kind of thing. Always overthinking people like me always think about this kind of thing. According to spell check, ‘overthinking’ is not a word. But what does spell check know?